Musings on some of my favorite things - music, my cats, and food.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Things You Have to Believe to be a U.S. Republican
1. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of the environment, homosexuals, and Hillary.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a 'we can't find Bin Laden' diversion.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enfor cing U.N. resolutions against Iran.
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing healthcare to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an extra-marital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving and military records are none of our business.
14. Being a druggy is a moral failing and a crime unless you're the wife of the Republican candidate for president or a conservative radio host, then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
15. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '60s is irrelevant.
16. 4 more years of a Republican president and Republican Congress is a vote for change.
17. The economy is in great shape and those who don't believe it are just whiners.
I was born and raised in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, fondly known as "Amish Country". I moved to New York City a theatre geek and morphed into a science geek which has given me a plethora of somewhat eclectic, albeit useless, trivia knowledge. I've been a dancer, a bartender, a bookseller, a real estate agent and, most recently, a veterinary nurse. I recently (and happily) gave up big city life to live near the ocean.